Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 6 March 2013

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Chavez has demi-god status among Scots Nationalist dross

Glasgow - The Venezuelan dictator famously gave his name to legions of 'council housed and violent' Brits known by the pejorative epithet 'Chav'.

Identifiable by blingy street-couture chic the subculture's Scottish Nationalist branch is in mourning today at the death of hero Hugo Chavez.

His illicit 2009 grab of Venezuelan energy industry assets saw billions of dollars of oil and gas stolen from under contractors' noses in a move to shore up the country's peasant vote.

That earned him the boundless admiration of separatist Scots' leader Alex Salmond who's dreaming up his own, similar sequestration of North Sea reserves owned by the Crown.

Chavez's death now sees a seven day mourning period observed at the Scottish Parliament where Salmond lords it over his kleptocracy-peddling chums.

Reports this afternoon say Salmond and his equally fishy-sounding deputy Nicola Sturgeon MSP are flying to Caracas for Chavez's state funeral.

A hush-hush summit with Argentina's President Cristina 'Mad Bitch' Kirchner may seal a plot to secure Venezuelan funding to finance the next Scots Nationalists' attempt at a coup.

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