Diogenes spent his entire life walking the earth with a lantern searching for an honest man and a pair of matching socks. He found neither. Maybe he should have purchased an iPad and searched Wikileaks instead. Because it's there that the Center for Dysfunctional Citizens (CDC) found lost letters that exposed the true nature of Genghis Khan's violence as well as his penchant for adding milk to espresso.
In the Wikileaks lost cables between Genghis Khan's mother, Mary, and her sister Sarah, his mother is noted as writing:
"Genghis twas such a lovely lad he twas. Always a tinikng of de womin. But he be actin' a quit bit stange lately I be tellin' you, and not in a sociable type manner mind ye, no not tat all. He be playin' these God aweful games y'see. None o' dem has no'er o thing about ' pickin' potatoes mind ya".
From what has been deciphered from these Wikileaks cables is Buy high and you've just sold your suckered soul to me.
Um, oh wait a minute. That was Madoff's cable.
I keep getting the two confused.
Grand theft pony was a violent video game that was an abomination to civil harmony and peace. It corrupted the world's 1,000,052 pariah, from being a wonderful flower child into what is in today's terms simply known as a reality show producer.
At the age of 8 Genghis learned the skills of stealth, killing and suckering everyone he knew into his own generated pyramid schemes which obviously incurred acquiring sub-prime ponies. His major method of accomplishing this was by alleviating anyone alive of their pony's which had caused great pain, suffering and really highly outrageous European Horse slaughterhouse fees.
There were two methods that Khan used gain access to other peoples' ponies, both learned from Grand theft pony. The first was to simple whack the fucker's head off and take the pony and ride away laughing and calling back at the decapitated individual:
"Hey buddy this is how you get ahead in life".
This worked well until Khan later realized that he had just killed his own son who was sitting on Khan's own horse and keeping it running while he ran into a local 7-Eleven to rob the place.
But on the good side, Khan and the boys had a perfectly good head for Mongol Polo.
Unfortunately, there are no cables as to what happened to the 7-Eleven Clerk.
The other method was used when the pony was left solitary by its owner. In these cases, Khan had to use his smarts and guile to give the pony a hot hoof to get him a'running. Unfortunately, at first, Khan picked a back leg of the horse to do this and got kicked askew in the head by the pony's back foot, which left an L shape on his forehead.
A lot of historian psychiatrists have concluded that the L shape and all the kids putting it on their foreheads and calling out "loser" had a much greater impact on Khan's later life, than the video games, but Wikileaks knows better.
Hell, the letter L wasn't even invented yet. Geez, all the equestrian shits had names like O'keef, Jefferson, Washington and Park. So why the hell should they need the letter L anyway.
Khan's mind got more corrupted when he started adding videos and games, which, to name a few were:
Hey, let's go kill a bunch of Chinese and steal their chopsticks
Bayaarma does the Great Wall
I have an Ak-47 and you have 47 bullets in you
Yeah, you get the idea.
Thank God the show 24 with Kiefer Sutherland shooting everyone's knees out wasn't around back then.
We need to ban idiots.
Good luck on that.