Vatican - Pope Benedick has stepped down as Pope. According to Vatican sources he is pregnant and has been showing under his robes for about month.
Cardinal Jose Sardouchey, who fathered the child, said in a press conference earlier today that he was surprised that the Pope was able to conceive. Cardinal Sardouchey, chugging from a large 3 liter bottle of sugary beverage, gave his account of what to expect next.
"It must have been all those drugs he was taking. I can understand him wanting to go hide from the world while he has his baby. He promised me I could be Pope next.
"One new thing though. Rather than white smoke to signal the final selection has been made, it will be weed smoke. You'll be able to tell by the smell."