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Tuesday, 19 February 2013

image for Russian Man Sues Outer Space Over Chelyabinsk Meteor

Grisha Manpursenikov has named Outer Space as the plaintiff in a lawsuit he has filed for damages he suffered in the recent meteor impact over Chelyabinsk, Siberia.

Fragments of the meteor shattered his new 60 inch LCD television while he watched Prime Minister Vladimir Putin on the news, performing 150 squat thrusts in the containment structure of the abandoned Chernobyl nuclear plant. As Putin left the containment structure, he greeted the Russian news media, who were dressed in radiation suits, and smiled at the news cameras to say, "Ah very refreshing. There's nothing like Russian radiation."

At first, Oleg wanted to sue God, but his lawyer Boris Drecksky advised him no jury will convict God. The defense always brings up an insurmountable argument: God has too much knowledge for any person to understand his decisions. This is the defense argument used in previous lawsuits against God for God's role in wars, famine, holocausts, natural disasters, the end of pop can openers (churchkeys), and the saying "Totally awesome man."

Drecksky, instead, advised his client to sue Outer Space, which would give him a better chance for a conviction, although monetary damages might become difficult to collect. Drecksky wasn't certain Outer Space even had a bank account.

Grishah realizes he may never receive any compensation, but he wants to continue the lawsuit to get a conviction. He said, "I'm tired of all this random sh*t happening in the world. Somebody or something should be held accountable."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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