Living conditions in British zoos are so comfortable for wild animals, that species from all continents are literally flocking to get into them, says respected Bangkok-based animal psychologist Joseph Steele.
The claim came amid some early morning chit-chat about whether or not zoos were a humane way of preserving the animal kingdom. Mr Steele, who is from the United States of the USA told listeners to his twaddle:
"Zoos are not the heinous places some people think they are. Many of these animals rely upon the help and support of humankind for their welfare. In the wild, many of these animals would die out. Without the help of humans, they wouldn't be able to catch food, and would die out from illnesses if they didn't receive the medical treatment many have come to expect."
As others doubted his assertions, Mr Steele went on:
"Left to their own devices, many so-called 'wild species' would be unable to catch food, but would have no problem whatever catching a deadly cold. That, and the stunning reputation of the cuisinerie of British zoos, is why so many of the animals just can't wait to get into British captivity."
One zoo in the West Midlands, Dudley Zoo, is known to have attracted a rare species of cockroach, and another, Whipsnade, have recorded the arrival of previously-unknown kinds of fleas.
Zoos are rubbish.