The city council of Abner Plains, Missouri today denied a request by Somali pirates to cease using the Pirates name for the school's football team. The Somali pirates, who admit responsibility for hijacking hundreds of ships and holding them for ransom, say Abner Plains High School's use of the Pirates moniker is demeaning and a form of ethnic stereotyping. "Caraafka qorshadda bakhtinta waxae bara mlyega," explained Somali pirates Communications and Marketing Director Dhunkaal Xaarato Faloole.
Abner Plains mayor Leonard "Lenny" Shibner responded to Faloole's statement by saying, "Well, Dhunkaal's got a pretty good point there, but we've been using the Pirates name for dang near 100 years. Clancy over at the barber shop has a Pirates jersey that's pert'near 75 years old hanging on the wall."
Shibner said the Abner Plains city council is hoping to defuse the situation by proposing a "twin cities" tie with a Somalian town, possibly Buur Hakaba in the southwestern part of the country. "I like rocks and I heard it's got a big ol' rock right in the middle of town," said Shibner, who added, "I hope they got a bowling alley."