Written by ANGELA WRIGHT
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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

image for Cowell: "It's a no brainer"
Two of Cowell's current fiancees

X Factor Overlord Simon Cowell has finally broken his silence on Louis Walsh's controversial brain implant with characteristically blunt analysis. "Even with the brain of a hamster," mocked the Overlord, "Louis couldn't manage a band of teenage rodents."

Lounging semi-naked on a chaise longue by the pool of his Spanish villa, Cowell hissed: "What is the Irish eejit trying to prove? Louis' mindless ranting got him the job on X Factor in the first place. My advice is: Get over yourself darling. Ditch the brain.Let me do the thinking and you stick to hair transplants."

Off the record, Cowell went on to say that his incredibly large, good-looking brain had always rankled Walsh. The frequent verbal sparring between them on the X Factor often caused Louis to lose consciousness momentarily, simply because the pressure to speak coherently was so intense. "I was the only one who noticed," joked Cowell.

Louis Walsh is no longer on Syco's payroll. Cowell intimated,however, that he'd be ready to talk business if Walsh had the implant removed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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