Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

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Dylson - the filthy cunt

A room which has become known to his friends as The Wanking Palace, has been designated 'Out of Bounds' by the parents of Clark Dylson, a juvenile in one of the South African capitals, Cape Town.

Dylson, an habitual masturbator, regularly retires to his bedroom for hours on end, whilst he pores over dozens of 'mucky books' - Afrikaaner slang for 'pornographic literature'.

One ensconced therein, he proceeds to 'bash his bishop' to within an inch of its life, grinning wickedly as he does, disturbing his parents as they watch TV, and scaring his neighbours' children, who can clearly see him through the window of his Masturbatorium.

Now, however, the local Cape Town council has acted to arrest Mr Dylson's 'dirty dealings', and have sealed the room off for a 're-paint and refurbishment' after a plea from Dylson's mum and dad. One council official told this reporter:

"They've had about as much as they can take. Enough is enough. We're going to give it a lick of paint. The walls are currently a creamy 'off-white' colour, and the smell is minging."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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