Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Iran, Internet

Tuesday, 15 August 2006

image for Ahmadinnnerjacket launches lonely-hearts blog
"Gissus a kiss..."

Tehran, Iran - (ReUterus): Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket has defied his country's traditional courtship conventions and launched a personal internet dating agency for razor-deficient, holocaust-amnesic lonely-hearts kindred spirits in search of consenting Hezbollah-esque soulmates in the Southern Lebanon area by preference.

Pictured here during last month's Pyongyang-sponsored Hug-a-Chum marathon in his country's capital Tehran, Ahmadinnerjacket stressed that his new webshiite will not debase strict Sharia Law proscriptions against same-sex relationships, which "in any case do not and never have existed in our country or among any of our religious co-bretheren in the first place".

The site offers astrologically-compatible advice for wannabee life partners looking for that extra je ne sais quoi in their lives, like a tendency to be
interested in the latest plutonium enrichment procedures, recruitment of Lebanese terrorism stooges, international money-laundering of arms-dealers' profits and heroin trafficking-related activities linked to former KGB officers stranded in the Golden Triangle on derisory ex-USSR pension annuities.

The site has been hailed an instant hit with punters who have up til now had to rely on personal marriage brokers and the dodgy services of western satanic websites catering to their hybrid tastes.

Browsing though the President's internet pages one is immediately drawn to his heart-rending autobiographical reminiscences of a childhood spent in war-torn regions of his country bordering Iraq and Kurdistan where the only career alternatives
to becoming a rent-boy for local holocaust-denying extremists was becoming a rent-boy for rent-boy denying apologists in the pay of holocaust-deniers.

Also included in the President's weblog are his grandma's recipies for home-made apple-strudel and uranium yellowcake fruit buns - a sure favorite with the international WMD inspectorate that is still foraging along the Shatt-el-Arab waterways that borders Iranian waters with the nations of the Lower Arabian Gulf.

A Pay-Pal service is to be launched later in the year for subscribers to the webshiite wishing to enrol in the Sharia Law-approved marriage guidance counselling service that the President hopes to promote via outsourcing all nuptual advice to his old chum the Reverend Sun Myng Moon of the Unification Bowel Movement.

As a special offer, the first five thousand new applicants enrolling for Ahmadinnerjacket's new online services will be offered a chance to enter a prize draw where the top prize is an evening with the President at a Tehran kebab restaurant of one's choice. Second prize is two consecutive evenings with the President at a kebab restaurant of his choice. And third prize is a course of free immunizations against socially transmittable diseases prevalent in the Isphahan district of the country.

The webshiite has already been nominated for a Global Piss Process Award of Excellence in the Newcomer to Internet Dating category.

Hassan Nasrullah is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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