Due to religious principles, (yes, those criminal thugs have a self-serving one) and not wishing to get into a negative relationship with the seventy-two virgins waiting for each in heaven, terrorist have decided not to target Virgin Air with suicide bombers. Situated high on the learning curve, the other airlines have taken steps to change the names of their flagship planes as a precautionary measure: British Air will become British Air Virgin; United will follow suit with United Virgin; American to American Virgin; and coming in last is Continental Virgin.
Dropping down from a round the world balloon race, Richard Branson, head of Virgin Air and all things labeled Virgin, jumped into the fray protesting in court that this was an infringement of his Virgin Air copyright and all things Virgin.
"Now you know how we felt," huffed the Pope.
While the red, high terrorist alert was put into place in England, Prime Minister Tony Blair sent a message to Mr. Branson from his seaside vacation in the Barbados, and suggested that Branson quit his petty sniveling, as this was a question of national security with thousands of lives at stake, as well as the airline and travel industries throughout the world. Branson was expected to do his share. Afterward Blair ordered, "Oi, somebody pass me my sun block."
Left without a high profiled infidel filled target to bomb, terrorists were lowering their collective ambitions and considering the Greyhound Bus service. Never a target for anything sinister, except for the recent notoriety produced by the disappearance of runaway bride Jennifer Wilcox, the Greyhound Bus company announced that they refused to go Virgin in anticipation of drawing the attention of the terrorists, bad news, free advertisement and hopefully future business.
Meanwhile, in a similar semantics' arena half way around the world, George Bush was in trouble by calling the terrorists 'fascists'. Clearly, he meant 'fanatics', but the wires got crossed, (Crawford, Texas sunshine and Cindy Sheehan living down the road have that kind of effect) and while his brain was thinking fanatics, his lips said fascists, much to the consternation of the fascists; sending then into a frenzy. The fanatics aren't saying much, as they remain totally confused, squinting in question to one another.
Climbing to the rooftop of the White House with megaphone in hand, George Bush sent his message directly to the terrorist suicide bombers. "Listen, you bunch of linguistic, hair splitting, f-ing sissy f-ers. If you f-ers think you're going to f with me, think again. I'll call you fanatic, fascists, f-ing, f-er, figs if I want and you can just say, Thank you, sir."