Under enormous pressure from billions of Americans who have been petitioning the White House to build Star Wars type Death Star to defend the world against reality TV, US President, Barack Obama finally caved in to the pressure by admitting that the US already has built a moon sized Fart Star instead.
The Fart Star was completed at the beginning of January by a Chinese team of scientists and engineers who used the knowledge of Won Ton soup chefs to complete the project in 6 weeks time, which happens to be 5 and ½ weeks longer than a Kim Kardashian marriage.
President Obama addressed the press from behind a bush in the East White house lawn:
"I want everyone to know", started the President, "that no American workers were compromised or endangered during the project which was built entirely by the Chinese with American money. The earth's environment was spared by construction of the Fart Star because we used 90 percent of the planet Mercury to provide the necessary resources for the project. I mean like, the stupid planet was made up of metal anyway so it made a lot of sense to scrap the sucker, don't you think?"
"So, for those of you who are having problems finding Mercury in the nighttime sky, just start using higher magnification telescopes and start looking for the new sun orbiting asteroid UB-Screwed-1. It's like about 5 miles long and 3 miles wide. Kind of looks like a really small Pluto if you know what I mean, just without all the ice".
"Now, something that I guess you all should know. The Fart Star is the shape of a big naked butt, which really makes sense when you think about. It's the size of the moon and it is fully functional believe me. We were testing it out and were blasting away some small asteroids when just for shits and giggles the commanding officer pointed it at the moon and gave it a big fart. Well, to make a long story short, the moon got blasted into Uranus, so we can pretty much clear the table of any talks about trips to the moon. That should save us a few bucks, anyway".
"As far as you moon gazers are concerned nothing has really changed because the Fart Star now has taken the place of the moon. Heck, now the earth is really being mooned".
"To keep a constant supply of gas for the Fart Star we have been giving the Chinese work crew which is being managed by Pass D. Gas, a continuous supply of chile which is being uploaded every hour by a Nano-elevator that goes to the station".
In other news the planet of Pluto has filed a class action suit against the US on behalf of its 8 Kazillion residents who no longer receive American Idol on their dish network since the planet of Mercury has been destroyed.