"I just can't do the whole gloom and dome thing anymore." That was the message the Grim Reaper passed along to reporters today at a well-attended news conference.
"You know, after reading A New Earth-Awakening by Eckhart Tolle, which is on Oprah's book list, I realized I needed a change.
"For once in my life, I want to spread happiness," said Reaper. "I'm changing my life, dumping the black hooded robe and scythe. I've even joined E-Harmony, and I plan to take some automotive repair classes at my local community college. By the way, please don't call me "Grim."
From now on, I'll being going by my middle name "Stuart. Thank you, Oprah!" exclaimed the ebullient Reaper.