Flintshire, Wales - A Welsh specialist in manipulation of the lower extremities said today that Prince William only got his official Scouts rescue badge 'by blatant cheating'.
Mold podologist Bryn Swallows claims he was ambushed at night in his bed at a remote Flitshire cottage, trussed up in a hessian sack and driven to the coast before being kicked off the edge of Three Cliffs Bay on the Gower Peninsula.
"A few minutes later I'm thrashing around in choppy, freezing waters," Swallows recalled, "when along comes a RAF search and rescue helicopter piloted by bloody Prince William.
"Hello, I say to myself, who's this effin' Betsi then? Next thing I know a blinding flash of deja vu tells me the worst, that it's the same bustach bastard that pushed me over the edge."
Swallows said he then swam furiously towards a lighthouse on a nearby rocky outcrop, determined to outwit the 'cachgi' [literally, Welsh for shit-dog/coward] and stop him getting his latest search and rescue badge.
So much for the fairytale prince, eh?