Written by JasmineO
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Friday, 28 December 2012

image for Santa Claus in Purgatory
Older than we think

Jolly Old Saint Nick they call him. Belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly. He gives presents to children all over the world, but did you ever wonder how he got to be Santa Claus?

Groundbreaking evidence, in the form of ancient parchments, has just been discovered in the North Pole region dating Santa Claus back to the beginnings of civilization. These are now considered the oldest manuscripts known to mankind. They are instruction manuals on how to make thousands of different presents, all current to the popular gifts of the time. Several of these parchments were found all throughout different regions in the North Pole dating back to every single century where mankind has been in existence.

The curious thing is that all are in the same handwriting with the grammar of the century it is from. Carbon-14 dating and expert scientists reveal that these are in fact real documents, all signed Santa Claus.

The greatest discovery is a parchment describing how Santa came to be. Santa Claus is apparently a fallen angel who unlike the devil, wanted to redeem himself after falling. His brother is the devil but Santa refuses to give up hope and hopes to one day enter heaven again.

Until then, he is stuck in the purgatory of making children all over the world happy every year by personally making them their presents and punishing the bad children by not making them any. He does not have little elves as helpers. No, it's just him in an eternity of purgatory slaving all alone.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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