MOSCOW - President Vladimir Putin, realizing he has only but a few days left to 2012, is trying desperately in the year's remaining hours to up his street cred for The Complete and Utter Asshole of the Year Award.
In an asshole move reminiscent of the Cold War era, Putin said Thursday he will sign into law a bill banning Americans from adopting Russian children, in obvious retaliation for U.S. criticism of his nation's human rights abuses.
However, experts feel that aside from imprisoning all Russian orphans, Putin still has no chance of beating out Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, someone who routinely states publicly that he'd like to wipe out all of Israel.
Still, there's no discounting the Russian leader's candidacy. Said one U.S. emissary, "We've all pretty much looked into the soul of Vladimir Putin and see a huge asshole."