Written by SpoofyDoofy
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Monday, 24 December 2012

image for Christmas cheer from The Police!
"Yo! Ho! Ho!, Let'sget the submachine guns out for some Christmas Cheer, while we have a sing song!!"

Santas Grotto, Lapland: It is Christmas Eve and Santa is getting ready on his 'mammoth task' to keep children all over the world happy with their Christmas gifts, just like it happened when Jesus was born in Bethlehem, when three wise men came bringing three gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh.

While all this is going on with Santa, the Police are out in FORCE. Canadian Mounties in Abbotsford, British Columbia, have been sending out Christmas cards to well know criminals asking whether they would like to be on Father Christmas's naughty or nice list next year. Whilst in the United Kingdom, Bedfordshire Police have produced a 'tragic' cover version of Slade's 1973 anthem Merry Christmas Everybody, to the not very catchily named 'Christmas Crime Reduction'.

In Canada, the British Columbia Police Departments' Christmas Card shows a special Christmas greeting the local police chief dressed as jolly Santa Claus, wearing a bullet-proof vest and helmet, sporting a fully laden machine gun, plus pistol and other acessories!! Dressed up like an action man doll, which obviously will be on many 'Santa wish lists'. Take note Santa!!

Gangsters in Canada's crime-ridden cities can expect these special greeting cards this Christmas. Only "prolific offenders, property offenders and persons known for drug and gang activity" will be receiving them. In Canada's crime-ridden cities, these Christmas Cards will 'considered' as 'trophies', by the the Canadian Mob. You ain't made it unless you get a Christmas card from the Canadian Mounties!!

Not to be out done here in the United Kingdom, Bedfordshire Police's 'tragic' sing song production;

"So here it is crime reduction,
It's advice that you can use,
Put off those burglars,
Make sure they're the ones to lose"

However, some have questioned how much time the police force had spent on producing the song and it has been 'panned', with the production being considered poor.

"Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?
It's the time when every burglar has a ball,
Have you locked the upstairs window?
The key is by the door,
Have you turned a light on so that they aren't sure?

So here it is crime reduction,
It's advice that you can use,
Put off those burglars,
Make sure they're the ones to lose"

As one resident said about the version: 'Tragic'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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