Written by TheDoctor

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Topics: Christmas, Santa, UN

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

The United Nations has taken steps to shut down Santa's workshop.

A top-secret investigation has revealed that Santa Claus does not employ elves to make toys. In fact, the labor is provided by children.

United Nations spokesman Felix Navidad stated in today's press briefing, "After an exhaustive year-long investigation, we have reached the following conclusions. First, Santa Claus, alias Kris Kringle, has employed children rather than elves in his workshop. The story of employing elves was merely a front to cover his illegal activities. Furthermore, elves do not exist. Second, conditions at Mr. Claus's workshop would fall under the classification of a sweat shop if not for the extreme cold."

Navidad added, "We also found that Rudolph the red nosed reindeer's nasal condition is due to chronic alcohol abuse. Mr. Claus has allowed an impaired reindeer to pilot his sleigh. Lastly, we find Mr. Claus's habit of having small children sit in his lap at shopping malls to be rather disturbing."

Mr. Claus has declined repeated requests to respond to these allegations.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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