Written by ExiledRoyal
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Sunday, 9 December 2012

image for Mayan apocalypse: Bruce Willis and Sigourney Weaver voted favourites to save us
22nd is looking dodgy

The online poll of 2,000 Brits carried out by EndPoll for online movie provider 'blankbox', revealed that 57% of people were aware of the Mayan prophecy of the apocalypse and 13% confessed to being worried.

More than one in four respondents put their faith in Willis, who played Harry Stamper in Armageddon, and Weaver, who was Ellen Ripley in Aliens

The two actors were picked as the Hollywood action heroes best placed to save humanity from the brink of disaster.

"Thank Fuck for that," Archbishop of Canterbury to-be, Justin Webbeley-Ebbeley told us. "The bricks I have shit over this have been Hemorrhoid Destroying. I've been in hiding since the news of those... WOMEN.. being allowed to kiss each other's rings... Thank Bhudda that the Mayan's got one over on those pesky Christians."

An asteroid strike was the most likely cause of the end of the world, closely followed by a natural disaster and a nuclear explosion, according to the poll.

Those surveyed also revealed where they would feel safest when the apocalypse arrives: 27% said in an underground bunker and 26% said at home, while 6% picked under a duvet, great news for the DFS Very Last Bedding Sale... EVER. (Well, they may reopen Mayan New Year's Day depending on whether there is any semblance of a carbon-based environment left or not...)

Elsewhere Ploddy Power released odds for the likelihood that the Mayan prediction will be proved right. They are offering 5000/1 for the world to end on Dec 21 2012 and 3000/1 for the World to end on any day in 2012.

Conventional Advent Calendars are still outselling the Mayan brands as they have chocolate in them.

12 Days and counting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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