In late-breaking news from conflict-torn Egypt, Egyptian president Mohammed Morsi has announced that he will step down from his presidency in order to reunite with his formerly very successful alternative rock band, The Smiths.
In order to make the transition as smooth as possible, Morsi originally intended to give Egyptian citizens two weeks' notice of his departure. However, due to rehearsal obligations in preparation for the band's much-anticipated reunion tour, Morsi's resignation will become final within only one week.
The Smiths split up in 1987, and Morsi had previously stated that he would not reunite the band under any circumstances. He even went so far as to declare, "I would rather eat my own testicles than reform The Smiths, and that's saying something for a vegetarian."
The rest of The Smiths weren't necessarily eager to get the band back together, either. Guitarist Johnny Marr initially expressed concern that Morsi would, as he did in the 1980's, bring an overtly political stance to his music, alienating listeners and sowing the seeds of bloody conflict in the U.K. - just as he managed to do in Egypt during his mere six-month stint as president. Some Smiths fans also opposed the truce, staging a sit-in outside the presidential palace in Cairo to support the continuation of Morsi's presidency and protest his rumored reconciliation with The Smiths.
Nevertheless, peace talks moderated by U.S. Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, culminated in the band's first free and fair election in history, which resulted in Morsi's being formally welcomed back into the band. In an unusually optimistic moment, the seldom-effusive Morsi told Rolling Stone magazine, "Democracy is a light that never goes out."
The Smiths' first post-reunion album, "The President Is Dead," is scheduled to be released early next year. Morsi described the album as a grassroots undertaking, the production of which was funded entirely by donations from Morsi's former opponents, Christians and leftists who vehemently disputed the legitimacy of Morsi's presidency.
Although few would describe Morsi's brief political career as a "success," Morsi stands by his presidential conduct.
"I've never intended to be controversial, but it's very easy to be controversial in politics because nobody ever is."
Look out, Britain, The Smiths are back...