Written by Simon Saunders
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Monday, 3 December 2012

image for Kate Middleton Up The Duff With Prince William's Child
Go on my son! Prince Charles is delirious with joy following the announcement

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their first child after Prince William finally managed to impregnate his wife.

Palace insiders recently told the media the Duke and Duchess had been hard at it since their wedding last year with little success. That was until this recent breakthrough.

St. James' Palace officials released a statement to confirm the news. "We are delighted to announce the Duchess is officially in the club. At this time she is in the King Edward VII hospital suffering from acute morning sickness and will remain there for a number of days. Prince William is with her and may have some hair implants while he's there to celebrate the news."

The Queen and Prince Philip released a statement of their own shortly after the announcement. "Her Majesty the Queen and the Greek fella are beside themselves with joy. Although Prince Philip is a little disappointed that he wasn't at the conception. Despite this they both wish the Royal couple well."

Following a recent agreement by all the Commonwealth countries regarding rules of Royal succession, the couples new child will probably become third in line to the throne behind Prince Charles and it's father Prince William, regardless of gender.

Of course this means Prince Harry's role as the spare to Prince William the heir is now all but over, depriving the British commoners of the possibility of having a playboy King should anything have happened to his brother.

Prince Charles' spokesman, a potted plant called Derek, said the Prince is very much looking forward to being a grandfather and intends to hold a celebratory dinner on Friday with all his favourite flowers and shrubs in attendance.

Prime Minister David Cameron showed his glee as he gushed, "I'm sure they'll be the greatest parents ever in the history of the world. I'd like to think our policies have helped this to happen."

Meanwhile, leader of the opposition Ed Miliband also spoke to reporters, but, as usual, no one could be bothered to listen to him.

Rumours that Kate's sister Pippa is now planning to get pregnant in an atttempt to steal Kate's thunder have been denied by her lovely bottom.

It remains to be seen if the British press can behave themselves given the nature of this story and perhaps Lord Leveson's recommendations following his report into British press ethics and morals will be put to the test in the coming months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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