MANAMA, Bahrain (ABSNN) - Riot police were forced to fire tear gas canisters at hardline Islamic protesters who were angered at the presence in the city of Kim Kardashian. "God is great; Kim's a slut," the crowd shouted in Arabic. Kardashian, who just barely speaks English, misunderstood the shouting, thinking the crowd was saying, "Kim's a goddess."
"They love me; but of course, everybody loves me," Kardashian told reporters later as she drank champagne in her luxury penthouse suite.
Kardashian further exacerbated the anger of the Islamic fundamentalists when she ordered pork medallions from room service to be distributed "to feed all those poor people who gathered to welcome me to Manama."
To her credit, Kardashian did order milkshakes for the crowd from her newly opened malt shop just down the street from her hotel. However, the crowd threw the milkshakes on her security team.
Kardashian was flummoxed by their reaction to her largess.
"They only cost them $19.00 US per person. I gave them 20% off the regular price," she said.
Moments later Kardashian's trendy malt shop burned to the ground in a fire of unknown origin.
"No worries," said the ever-effervescent Kim, "it was fully insured."
We will keep you informed.