Vatican City-- Pope Benedict XVI has ordered sweeping changes in the way Roman Catholic priests and nuns may dress. The surprise announcement caught Vatican watchers off guard. The new clothing styles will mark the most radical wardrobe changes since Pope RuPaul II made cardinals wear red wedding gowns back in the 1400's.
"Priests must wear colorful sportswear." mandated Pope Benedict XVI. "Let's get rid of those black clothes and those tacky Roman collars once and for all. Clothes make the man." he said.
The pontiff then modeled a cream colored suit with a lavender colored shirt and tie for the stunned press. He looked almost forty years younger.
While priests are moving forward to the 21st Century with their new wardrobe, nuns will be moving back to the 11th. The pope is a well-known sufferer of sphenisciphobia--the fear of nuns--and he does not like them.
"Nuns. I order you all to dress in black. And keep your faces covered at all time!" he ordered with a extreme distaste.
The pontiff also ordered nuns to wear bells around their necks, so people know when they are coming.
"Wear a bell at all times. People need to know when a nun is c-c-coming." he said with extreme fear in his voice.
The pontiff then spotted a group of nuns standing in the crowd. He fainted from fear and was carried to his papal apartments, still wearing his cream-colored suit.
"What a strange man." said a bystander.