A South African man was caught smuggling diamonds in his belly instead of listening to Paul Simon's classic, "Diamonds on the soles of her shoes," before trying to trick bright, shiny customs officers!
He was caught attempting to leave South Africa with the 220 polished gems stuffed in his belly worth £1,4 million and is now suffering severe belly ache after the customs officers forced him to swallow bicarbonate of soda to hasten the natural process of recovery.
The customs officers who arrested him asked him how the hell anybody could be so stupid as to swallow so many gems without expecting to be caught and here is his answer:
"I was actually inspired by Paul Simon's song, but couldn't afford a pair of shoes so I swallowed the buggars instead!"
He was last seen being goose-marched out of the airport bog, barefoot and smelling rather pungent after the overdose of bicarbonate of soda seemed to do it's job. As for the diamonds they are being re-polished; shit!!!