Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Hair

Thursday, 13 July 2006

image for The President's Hairpiece

While it has been an accepted rumor that Laura Bush's always perfect hair is actually a swim cap (no chin strap) made up of fiber optic threads molded into place with steaming flat irons, recent sightings of the President's roving hairline suggest he could also be wearing a hairpiece; referred to as a toupee, rug, wig, head dress or baseball cap. The President's hairline, while still the basic salt and pepper curly comb over, has been doing a virtual rumba dance all around his skull, sometimes landing an inch above the bridge of his nose, other times far back exposing a round Joe Liebermann forehead. Evidently, there are issues about using crazy glue.

Of course, Mr. Bush could always opt to shave his head completely bald like Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans, giving him the Daddy Warbucks image, or keep a little fuzz and resemble Jason Statham of Transporter film fame; a look that hairstylists described as "hot". He could also go with a Andy Warhol wig. Doesn't have to be white, but a definite new look for the G8 Summit.

Other G8 heads are making headlines. Russia's, comb over, Putin and the stomach kiss raised eyebrows up to hairlines. One wonders how he plans to greet Laura Bush. "Belly up, sister, and let me smack a big one on your zheludak." That should send those fiber optic into Shirley Temple curls. Then there's too much hair, Prime Minister of Japan Junichiro Koizumi and his reeking Elvis Presley impression. Elvis must have been groaning, "Are you crazy tonight?"

Meanwhile, fuzzy haired Tony Blair remains barricaded at Number 10, making one wonder whether he's waiting for his pension plan to kick in before he quits. In Italy, slick comb back former Prime Minister Silvio Bertusconi was charged with false accounting, embezzlement and tax fraud. No longer a member of G8, Bush announced his plans to pardon Bertusconi.

"Kid, the suit isn't one of ours. He's Italian," cherry fringed Cheney explained.

"False accounting, embezzlement, tax fraud and not one of ours? Isn't he Attorney General?"

"That's Roberto Gonzalez." Who is soon to become a donor for hair transplant recipients.

"Yeah. So what did Gonzalez do?"

"Nothing, except side with you on issues that the Supreme Court reversed."

"Well, there you are! I'm going to have to pardon him anyway. I'm going to pardon Ken Lay too. Let him go to hell with a clear conscience."

Ayeeeee.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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