Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Sunday, 14 October 2012

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A Secret Revealed

Vatican City-- A surprise announcement from the Vatican today is shocking Roman Catholics around the world. It turns out four secrets were given by the Virgin Mary to some Portuguese children in 1917 and not three. The fourth secret was not to be revealed 'until the waning days of 2012' per the Blessed Virgin Mary herself.

The Virgin Mary came to Fatima, Portugal in 1917 to deliver her secrets. The first secret was revealed in 1920, the second in 1941 and the third secret in 2000. Hardly anyone knew there was a fourth secret until today.

Pope Benedict XVI held the fourth secret in his trembling hands as he stood before the press to reveal its mysteries. The secret was written in a letter by Sister Lucia--one of the Virgin Mary's contacts.

"I am going to read this to the world right now." said the pope in a quaking voice. "No one has any idea what it could be--but it comes from the Virgin Mary and must be obeyed!" he ordered.

The pope's hands shook with both age and fear as he began to read the stunning secret:

My darling angels! My sweet children! Smoke weed! All must smoke weed, for it was made for you by our Heavenly Father! Smoke weed every day of your lives, for God so loves you and wants you to be stoned!! I am so stoned right now, my sweet angels! If you're good then you can smoke this great buzz weed with me and my Blessed Son one day in heaven! Have a nice day!

At the bottom of the letter was a joint filled with weed from Heaven. The pope lit a match and began to smoke it.

"Rejoice, for Our Lady has spoken!" said the pope. "This is great weed, think I'll go look at the Sistine Chapel for a bit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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