Written by Paxton Quigley
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Saturday, 13 October 2012

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Abbott "not a chauvinist pig"

The wife of Australian opposition leader Tony Abbott has come out in defence of her husband who was labelled a misogynist by Prime Minister Julia Gillard in a forthright speech on Thursday.

Kylie Abbott said that she was "spitting blood" after hearing how Ms. Gillard had monstered her defenceless husband as he was forced to listen to a litany of quotations from his past utterances. The usually self-effacing Mrs. Abbott allowed the Australian public to have a glimpse into the inner workings of the Abbott household as she gave tantalising details of their relationship.

"My Tony is such a gentleman really and not at all a male chauvinist pig. He gives me A$100 a week for the housekeeping quite willingly and all he expects from me is to show him the receipts. After dinner he sometimes washes his own plate and cutlery and when he collapses in front of the TV after a hard day trading insults he only expects me get him a beer every half an hour or so. Although he might use the term about that woman, he would never, ever call me a witch or a bitch. Of course during coitus doesn't count, does it? I mean, all of us girls are whores in the bedroom, aren't we? I don't mind the occasional slap, that's how he likes it to be and so do I. He's the boss in the bedroom, I just wish that he was a little bit larger in the undercarriage department. Oh dear, you're not going to print this are you?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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