Written by Backandtotheleft
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Monday, 8 October 2012

image for Funeral Reawakening strikes fear into those nearest to us
Was she a prototype for one of his reanimated super soldiers? Only time will tell

A funeral in Brazil was held up as a woman claimed the corpse had squeezed her hand. Maria Neymar Ronaldo Cesar said:

"I leant in to say goodbye to Grandmamma and she squeezed my hand. I shouted for them to switch the furnace off and we called a ambulance."

After forty five minutes of mouth to mouth resuscitation (technically French kissing a dead body for three quarters of a hour, but we wont get into that) the old lady was declared dead and the cremation allowed to proceed. Much to the protests of Maria. She garbled a lot of words at us quicker than we could write down. We only caught:

"......I know I heard her scratching at the top of her coffin as they closed the oven doors...."

She was cooked on a "well done" setting and was dust in ten minutes. After which the family squabbled over who would get her gold teeth now they were finally free of her mouth.

Back and to the Left News would like to point out that we wouldn't have been so calm in this situation. We expect we would be smacking the corpse screaming "Die zombie Nana die!"

So well done to Maria for keeping her cool.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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