Written by Draconian Clown
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Topics: Mexico, French

Sunday, 9 July 2006

image for Bush Steals Mexican Election, French Fries
French Fries

An investigative journalist tells a major news website that the Bush Family has stolen another election, this time in Mexico. The National Acton Party, a right-wing group that enjoys close ties with the Bush Family has declared victory in last week's Mexican Presidential Elections. They allegedly won by fixing the vote count using Bush connections.

According to the article, the Bush Family has links to a vote-counting company in the southern US state of Georgia. This is a bleak, sinister sounding company called Choicepoint. By using Choicepoint, the conspiring Bush people capture data consisting of the names of poor voters within a particular geographic area. Once they have the names of poor voters, who always vote for the progressive or anti-Bush candidate, the Bush Family simply deletes the names and all the votes disappear with the push of a button.

During the US presidential elections of 2000 and 2004, the Bush Family pushed the Choicepoint button, deleted the names of poor anti-Bush voters all across the USA, and in a successful heist of the US government, captured the White House. The election riggers at Choicepoint also have an advanced program that projects, using only a name, how someone will vote.

"You have to understand the complexity of our system," according to Choicepoint, "you take someone named ‘Burns', for example, who may not always vote against a Bush. We continually tweak the data, you know, always telling the system how people named Burns will vote. We know that a Burns who lives near a small Bistro will be anti-Bush whereas a Burns who lives near a large Bank will not. We use more complex demographics than simple guess work to keep the Bush Family in power."

Some insiders conclude these newest charges of election tampering are nothing more than the newest conspiracy theory. They point out that the Bush Family is leaving politics due to election term limits and thus would have no interest in continued political tampering, especially in Mexico.

Not so, according to Bernie Burns who lives near a Bistro. "George Bush stole my French Fries! I was sitting out on the sidewalk patio of Chez Facade when this motorcade came flying by. They had these big black limos with flags on them and they go screaming up to my table. These limos slam on their brakes and all the sudden, this George Bush president dude jumps out and runs up to my table. He goes, ‘you gonna eat those fries?' and before I could answer, he grabs them and takes off! I could hear him laughing about it too. He has this high-pitched ‘hee, hee, hee' thing going with his laugh. I say anyone who would steal French Fries would steal elections too."

A Bush Family representative would not comment on the Mexican election conspiracy but made the following statement about the French Fries, "The president does not eat French Fries. It is inconceivable that he would steal them from someone sitting in a sidewalk Bistro. Besides, the President's penchant for Tater Tots, a shredded potato product chock full of flavor, is well known and he would always prefer them over the poorer version of fries."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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