Sister Flacid Matriach, Mother Superior of The Last Evacuation of Christ, a cloister of silent bald nuns in the Holy Land, have vehemently denied any involvement in the Pubes for Pews scandal which surfaced this Monday.
Talking through an interpreter, Sister Flacid reiterated her claims that the closed cloister of nuns were in no way associated with Merkins Ltd of Bradford. Merkins Ltd have declined to react to the Mother Superiors statement. The sale of Merkins Ltd's famous Mons Pewbis range continues.
Montgomery Pudendal Cleft, Owner, Proprietor, and Sole distributor of Merkins Ltd products is in no way deterred by the denial. Anonymous sources close to Cleft have stated this public war of words will not detract Montgomery from his full time philanthropy, and self-funded research projects.
Sister Labia Majora, a former nun from the order reiterated her claims of systematic follicle abuse at the hands of her fellow sisters last Thursday, quietly speaking in great detail on the matter to a sizable audience. On the hour every hour from an inflated rubber ring in Leeds. As part of a Handcraft sound bite series of late night shopping channel adverts. Promoting the use of her newly patented Popery Colonics and self-healing range of products.
Controversially Cleft has researched into a viable solution to the British housing shortage. With his now patented Merkin Vulval Vestibules. Promotional brochures tell of affordable, secure, air conditioned abodes from Thailand, tailored to the young executive.
Pardre Noncio Stinge, Head ecclesiastical contracts adviser to the Vatican Holy Land Affairs Subcommittee. Flies out Sunday to debrief all nuns, and confirm the latest Palestinian head count.