MOSCOW (ABSNN) - Vladimir Putin may be getting along in years, but he "is still as studly as ever," he said in an interview with geriatric reporter, Martin Shuttlecock.
"He's but a lad, a mere slip of a boy," Shuttlecock wrote.
"Vital, I'm vital... and virile, I'm virile," Putin claimed.
To prove his point, Putin took Shuttlecock to the Moscow Zoo where he ripped the heads off seven Russian ermines, with his teeth, while dressed only in swim fins.
"The man is amazing," Shuttlecock said.
"After the ermine massacre, Putin went into the zoo carpark and had sex with nine tourists, mostly female. Then he lifted the rear end of a front end loader with his still erect penis," gushed the still homeless Shuttlecock.
"Sixty is just a number, that's all. Just a number," said Putin.