Kampala, Uganda-- An intense war between two tribes of mountain gorillas may go nuclear this weekend. One of the tribes recently discovered how to enrich uranium and is thought to have at least 10 small atomic bombs. Famed primatologist Jane Goodall and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton are rushing to the scene to prevent a global catastrophe.
The two gorilla tribes have been fighting a guerrilla war for decades with sticks and stones, but something unusual recently happened. One of the gorillas somehow managed to discover the laws of nuclear physics and construct a small nuclear bomb. Any nuclear war in the heart of Africa would wipe out the gorillas along with millions of human beings.
Jane Goodall says she is heartbroken about the dire situation:
"The gorillas are following the worst instincts of mankind. They have learned nothing from the mistakes of their brother primates. It's a very sad situation." she said
Hillary Clinton hopes to broker a peace deal between the two tribes. She was seen leaving the airport in Kampala wearing a gorilla suit and carrying lots of bananas. Mrs. Clinton plans to communicate with the gorillas with Jane Goodall's help as an interpreter.
"We have lots of bananas to offer the gorillas." grunted Mrs. Clinton from inside her gorilla suit. "I know that I look silly wearing this, but if it stops a nuclear war it was worth the effort." she grunted again.