It has been confirmed by a scribble on a 4th century (400 years after Jesus roamed the planet!) piece of tattered papyrus that Jesus really had a wife.
Now this strange piece of tattered papyrus could have been written by anybody, but it wasn't actually written by anybody who actually witnessed Jesus personally with his wife; because even in those days people generally didn't live until they were 400 years old.
Global theologians and dedicated Christians are in outrage at the thought that it could just be true that Jesus was married and obviously this would make a mockery of 2000 years of celibacy, practiced mainly by our pristine clean, catholic priests (cough, cough!).
Latest news sensation from a Reuters Press Association: Hundreds of Catholic celibate priests seen dangling on the end of their bell ropes after the announcement was made that Jesus had a wife proving that their years of celibacy were worthless and those poor choir boys too!