Written by Charlie Van Horn
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Topics: Food, Government

Wednesday, 5 July 2006

image for N. Korea Aims to Feed Masses
A target similar to this one was spotted in the Sea of Japan on July 3, 2006

North Korea - Kim Jong-il, leader of the highly repressive government of North Korea, announced that the missile tests on July 4th were nothing more than an attempt to acquire food to the nations starving masses.

According to a representative from Taco Bell who wished to remain anonymous, "This is an exciting promotional opportunity that has sadly been exploited by the media to make it appear as if our corporation is somehow supporting North Korea's aggressive actions towards its neighbors. This couldn't be further from the truth."

The missiles were launched from a compound in the far north of the country, located near the future "Crater Park" and "Where We Dun Got Whooped Memorial".

A recent defector from Pyongyang told a newspaper in South Korea that "Our great leader has promised us bits of cheese on flour, seasoned meat product, and our choice of Fire Sauce (tm) emblazed with wacky phrases."

Dissidents from the totalitarian state claim the country has hundreds of thousands starving, with prisons resorting to cannibalism of the weaker inmates just to maintain order.

"A half-pound beef and potato burrito may taste awful, but really, compared to the thigh of a seventy year old man, it ain't all bad" one former incarcerated political prisoner stated in 2004. "Besides, we didn't have any sauce packets that insulted you with little witty comments"

Some comments on Taco Bell sauce packets in recent weeks have hinted at this event. A woman in San Diego found one that had printed upon it "You will die in a fire from the sky brought upon you by our fearless leader"

The speculation of the upcoming launches and promotion were brought to a fever pitch last week when it was announced that in preparation the communist north had begun rationing toiletries.

The Asian countries population of nearly 23 million is reportedly undernourished. It is estimated that it would take Taco Bell nearly six weeks to deliver just one soft-shell to every citizen of the DPRK.

"The missile has fallen.....harmlessly into the ocean" stated White House spokesperson Tony Snow on Tuesday evening. "And the digestive systems of all of those on the Korean peninsula are better for it" he jokingly added.

In March of 2001 the Russian space station Mir failed to hit another target that also promised free food for a day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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