HARVARD UNIVERSITY (ABSNN)- Dr. Karen L. King, a Harvard Divinity School professor, has discovered a scrap of parchment written by the wife of Jesus Christ.
The announcement of the discovery was made at an international conference of Coptic scholars in Rome on Tuesday.
"The discovery has shaken the Christian world who has, until now, only been able to guess that Jesus may have been married. Now, it would seem, not only was Jesus married, but his wife was a bitch," said Pope Bentdick XXXIII.
"The parchment is a 'Honey Do' list that instructs Jesus to pick up 2 cartons of eggs, 4 wine skins of Boone's Farm Honeysuckle Orange, 5 loaves, 2 fishes, 3 rolls of toilet tissue, and 1 box of tampons (and not the bargain brand you got last month!!!)," said Professor King.
The 'Honey Do' list also instructed the Messiah to "Fix the damned door hinges; change enough water into wine for the Tupperware Party this Sunday; milk the goat before it bursts; slaughter the lamb; render unto Ceasar before we get arrested for tax evasion; and Don't forget to wa--..."
"The torn parchment ends abruptly at that point," said Dr. King.
Biblical scholars are "flummoxed" by the discovery found in a cave in the desert just outside Nazareth said several Vatican scholars.
"On the other hand, this proves that Jesus was fully human, and kind of a wimpy guy if he put up with that harpie," said Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J.
theSpoof.com's Editor, Mark Lowton, assigned Religion reporter, Dubois in an effort to bring this news to the public ahead of all other news outlets.
"I've sent Dubois to Israel because this story is so much more important than the political reporting he has been doing," Lowton stated. "With him out in the desert I won't have to hear him bitching and moaning about his salary."
"We've made plans to contact Jesus, who you may remember became a PGA golf pro this past spring. We'll get his take on the story," Lowton promised.
"theSpoof.com will remain on this story until the Rapture, or the End of Times."