Masai Mara National Park, Kenya: Kenyan police chief, Moses Mbegwe announced this evening that the Kenyan police are scaling down their hunt for a rogue Essex girl, who was reportedly sighted lurking in the long grass, here in the Masai Mara National Park.
"The initial reports were disturbing," Chief Mbegwe told reporters. "We had several unrelated sightings of a twenty-something Essex girl lurking in the long grass, in Fakawi tribe territory. The sightings, independent of each other, described a horrible orange skinned creature, with hair of straw, barely clad, with terrifying black eyes, a huge red slathering (sic) maw, blood red talons, monstrous stiletto heels, and the most frightful corned beef legs.
"Swigging a bottle of Budweiser.
"Anyway. We didn't find it."
Outraged Masai tribesman, Nigel Mbongwe was adamant that the Kenyan police hadn't fully investigated the sightings.
"I am adamant that the Kenyan police have not fully investigated the sightings," he told reporters. "It is still out there somewhere. It is frightening indeed. Wobbling about in the bush hurling terrible abuse at monkey, lion, and Masai as it drinks beer. We are in real fear of our lives here with this thing roaming free. It needs to be shot dead and bent. (Burnt - Ed) Even the lions have fled to the high ground. And the elephants are very nervous. There is no place in the Masai Mara for strange orange creatures in wobbly shoes, with surgically enhanced breasts, who roam the velt day and night singing Gloria Gaynor's feminist anthem 'I Will Survive' in the karaoke style. That is just not on."
"We think it has gone," Police Chief Mbegwe announced. "Either that, or fallen asleep in a skip in Nairobi. We remain vigilant."
More as we get it.