Written by Bea Shaylee Sayers
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Friday, 24 August 2012

image for Lance Armstrong's seven Tour de France titles go on sale

In a stunning announcement last Thursday, the famed cyclist Lance Armstrong said he was selling his seven Tour de France titles.

The titles will go on sale next week, but they most likely won't be available to the fans. All Tour de France runner-ups to Lance Armstrong have reportedly secured their rights as primary bidders for the titles.

The owner of the Druggy Doper auction house, where the sale will take place, expects a fierce competition among the bidding cyclists during the challenging 12-stage auction that is being arranged. Full details aren't yet known but the cyclist will competitively bid for Armstrong's Tour de France titles using stationary bicycles equipped with urine analyzers and lie detectors.

Most of the cyclists have strongly opposed the use of urine analyzers during the bidding competition and have demanded their removal from the bicycles.

"We simply aren't familiar with these particular urine analyzers and wouldn't know how to manipulate, sorry, operate them," said one of the bidding cyclists that wants to remain anonymous. "Lie detectors aren't a problem since we're well trained in lying. I mean in passing any polygraph test. I mean we're familiar with most lie detectors."

The money from the selling of Armstrong's Tour de France titles will support the Truth About Cheating Foundation that prepares young aspiring cyclists for the world of professional competition.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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