Written by Adam Click
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Sunday, 24 February 2013

image for Japan Warns US Over Escalating Junk Food War
Obama to Japan: Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce or else!

McTokyo,Japan-The "Meat Minister" loads two beef patties, a chicken breast, two slices of cheese, three pieces of bacon, lettuce, tomato, and onion onto a classic sesame bun. The "Mega McMiffin" consists of two breakfast sausage patties, cheese, egg, bacon, and ketchup all between a classic McD's English Muffin, and The "Five Patty Whipper" is as big and meat-packed as its name suggests.

Japan loves it's junk food and American corporations are glad to oblige but all that may come to an end as those same corporations bend under the thumb of an administration waging war on that very same fatty food.

Now it appears that president Obama's Junk Food War may go global. Today Japan warned the United States that if it continues to interfere with that country's supply of junk food it would have no choice but to reconsider it's decades old Treaties of Non-aggression.

The United Nations Commission For The Non-proliferation of Deep Fryers has been monitoring the situation and has reported that Japan has indeed ramped-up it's production of deep fryers. Japan is on the verge of developing a super deep fryer which could handle bushels of french fries all at once, and in record time.

The Obama Administration has decried the project but has stopped short of saying what it would do if such a device were put into use.The center for Science in the Public Interest has been urging Mr. Obama to take a tougher stance toward Japan but so far he seems unwilling to advance a cause which has garnered little support at home.

At Home Obama has been more aggressive. Amid accusations that it has targeted specific fast food icons for elimination, the president denounced the enabling behavior of fast food giants towards Japan while both the Internal Revenue Service and the Agriculture department have increased scrutiny of these same corporations and their operations.

The president has also announced a tariff on Potatoes bound for Japan as well as periodic Potato inspections of ships which may make calls in Japanese Ports. Japan has denounced such inspections as nothing short of harassment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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