Written by Jean Le Fete
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Friday, 17 August 2012

image for Pussy Riot in Jail - Fans Say Free Pussy!
Pussy Riot!

Moscow - A judge today handed down stiff prison sentences of two years on Friday afternoon for three young women who staged a protest against Vladimir V. Putin in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior last February. They were jailed for hooliganism charges and for having an utterly ridiculous band name, for which the judge said "I nearly gave you five years for the name alone, but that was not the charge.."

Many, including Madonna, were shocked at the severity of the sentence against the three young women, "It just goes to show that Vladimir Putin is a putz and I'm sorry I ever went to bed with him. Besides that he has a willy the size of a shrimp. Oh and Mr. Putin I have photos..."

While the verdict was widely expected, suspense had built over how severe a punishment they would receive. Prosecutors had demanded three-year prison terms, but President Putin had weighed in on the side of leniency.

As the judge read the verdict, hundreds of demonstrators shouted, "Free Pussy Riot! Free Pussy Riot"

Pussy Riot police officers arrested dozens of them, including the former chess champion Garry Kasparov, who is active in the Russian political opposition. Kasparov later offered to play Putin in chess for the women's freedom, but Putin declined, saying he'd only consider checkers. Kasparov declined the counter offer, saying he had never heard of the game.

The women entered Moscow's main cathedral in February wearing colorful bathrobes, and pranced around in front of the golden Holy Doors beseeching the Virgin Mary to rid Russia of Mr. Putin. Security guards quickly strip searched them but the popular video was completed.

Mr. Putin said today, "I hope to visit them in jail to sooth and console them."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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