Written by Sidney Bollocks
Print this

Monday, 23 July 2012

image for US Government Announces Immediate Ban On All Firearms
Don't worry, you'll still be able to take out missiles and satellites.

In a move which has surprised many, US President Barack Obama has announced that his government will legislate for an immediate ban on the private ownership of all firearms.

The ban is believed to include ownership of handguns, rifles, semi-automatic weapons, automatic assault weapons, shoulder fired anti-tank and anti-aircraft weapons, post-1990 main battle tanks and intercontinental ballistic missiles. It is not, however, thought likely that the ban will include anti-ballistic missile lasers.

Special depots will be established for people to surrender their weapons and an amnesty will be granted until Thanksgiving, later this year.

A White House staffer commented, "This kills two birds with one stone. Firstly, it disarms the homegrown killers we seem to generate in alarming numbers. Also, during these times of severe government austerity, it allows us to arm the Free Syrian Army and other opposition groups in that country."

An NRA spokesman said, "Goddamn communist bastard. First he wants to give us greater access to healthcare, now he wants to protect us from ourselves. Whatever next? I suppose he'll open the files on JFK."

Make Sidney Bollocks's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 2?

3 21 24 10
48 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more