Following intense diplomatic activity at the UN over the past few weeks, a new UN resolution has been agreed, in which Russia and China will condemn Syria in the strongest possible terms.
UN Special Envoy, Koffee Anyone, announced the resolution, which will effectively bring about the long awaited and unanimous condemnation of the Assad regime's brutality by the UN Security Council.
Russia's UN Ambassador, Vladimir Putitov, rounded on the Assad regime, holding it responsible for the poor showing of wrestler Joseph Atiyeh in the men's freestyle heavyweight event at the 1984 Los Angeles Games. Mr Putitov went on to say, "Atiyeh was a dead cert for the Gold. If old man Assad had given him more time off from the Army and beating peaceful demonstrators, he would have had sufficient time to train and avoid the silver medal, which he eventually won."
Meanwhile, China's UN Ambassador, Won Hung Lo, condemned President Assad's wife, Asma, for her extravagant spending in London's most upmarket department stores and for having an account at Harrods. Mr Lo went on to say, "If Syria wants China to remain a friend, President Assad must rein in his wife's spending, or at the very least suggest she starts shopping in Beijing and Shanghai. We have very nice Louis Vuitton gear, which is made by political dissidents in our factories and sweatshops. She would never know the difference."
As the UN finally gets its act together, the world breathes a collective sigh of relief.