Written by HaveIGotNewsForYou
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Monday, 9 July 2012

image for Malware keeps web users from reading about malware problem that affects hardly any computers but managed to create fear and suspicion across internet
What did he say about me? Send in the SEALS!

A reported malware virus credited to international hackers who ran an online advertising scam to take control of more than 570,000 infected computers around the world has been described as totally irrelevant after it was revealed that the affected computers only constituted .0000000000001 % of all computers and those small few who were affected by the problem had no way of reading about the problem as they had no internet access making the whole event a non event.

A website set up to help those affected received no hits today leaving the FBI scratching their heads and admitting that maybe the media hype, the panic and utter nonsense was simply a waste of time.

Fox News offered this advice, online, to anyone who could not get online: If your computer is infected, your only hope is your Internet service provider's help desk. Which begged the obvious question, if those infected could not get online how could they have possibly read the advice, posted online?

Some are now accusing the FBI and the US Government of conducting a massive hoax in an attempt to get internet users to register their computers with FBI sponsored websites which determined whether or not a computer was infected when in reality it was a ruse to infect computers with a tracking virus to allow the FBI to spy on internet users.

It is estimated that over 4 Billion computers are now monitored by the FBI/CIA/MI6/MI5/MOSSAD - a staggering 95% of all computers in the world.

Reports that previously unmonitored computers were now being monitored by the FBI and other law enforcement agencies were confirmed after I wrote this article and before I could hit send I was swooped on by several members of Special Branch, three armed MI5 officers, The A-Team and a man selling photographs of a large donkey, who believed, after monitoring my internet history, I was interested in procuring an image of a nice big ass.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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