Written by AndreaNadia
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Topics: chicago, assault, coma, mask

Saturday, 7 July 2012

image for Assaults in Chicago are linked to a coma patient; unheard theories of a resident

A series of assaults occurred in Chicago July 1st. 4 women have reported physical assault to their local police station. One woman named the attacker as Marko Dulce. She gave a written statement and matched the man's face with a police sketch.

Upon further investigation police found Marko Dulce in a hospital, where he is said to have been for the past 8 years. The Chicago Research Hospital states that "Mr. Dulce has been in a coma for 8 years and that he was under constant supervision July 1st. The hospital has reviewed camera footage and have placed Mr. Dulce in his bed at all times". The tapes have been given to police for further investigation.

The Spoof went into the community and asked some hard questions. "Are you afraid that a man supposedly in a coma has been committing assaults in the area?" asked Spoof reporter Andrea Nadia. Mike Jones resident of the area said "Did you hear about that Asian guy who had that realistic old man mask and got into Canada as a refuge a few years back? I think that it's the same type of case here." Our reporter continues "You believe that a man has used Marko Dulce's face as a model for a mask and has been assaulting women in the area?" Jones says that "there is no doubt in (his) mind."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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