Written by K.C. Bell
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Thursday, 1 June 2006

image for Bush and Blair To Wed
"Yes, 29% and 31% adds up to 60%."

United Guess International has announced that it isn't just Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who may soon marry - now that their teenager is finally born - but that good friends and supportive political allies, Tony Blair and George Bush will also tie the knot. Asked for their reaction, both wives were phlegmatic, and like Rhett Butler's closing words in Gone With The Wind, Cherrie Blair and Laura Bush echoed simultaneously from opposite sides of the Atlantic, "Frankly, we just don't give a damn."

With Blair's approval rating sliding down to 29% and Bush managing to hang in there at 31%, the two felt that together, they reached a substantially higher approval rating of 60%, launching both into plans for a quickie wedding; providing an example of male superiority in math. Yeah, so it's a marriage of convenience.

No Dennis Rodman type wedding gown for these two serious thinking men; instead they have opted for more formal wear. Suits. Since it was Saddam Hussein who brought these two together, he will serve as best man. They will spend their honeymoon aboard Air Force One, circling above Kansas city.

Appointed a bridesmaid, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice plans to give the happy pair two words: Determination and Assessment; promising in the future to expunge both words from her vocabulary. Amen. Dr. Rice will personally wrap the gift, tying two ends of ribbon together, proving her prowess after mastering six years at connecting dots.

Since the Vice President's residence is at the Naval Observatory, and captains in the navy traditionally retain the power to perform wedding ceremonies, the happy two approached Dick Cheney about performing the service. Not pleased by the request, he voiced a suggestion how they might entertain themselves, while reaching for his shot gun. Both men remain highly optimistic, though, as the Vice President is reputed to be a crack shot and both shots missed the fleeing pair.

Hearing the news, Donald Rumsfeld said, "Golly me! He certainly isn't ready to make nice. A shot gun might be appropriate for the union of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but definitely not for our Tony and George. Gee wheez. Both men are grown ups. Gosh, life happens! Get over it. Besides, it makes good sense. They'll be at 60% and finally getting their polls up."

Aaaa, rethink that last bit.

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