Vaduz - 'Fabulously wealthy' Prince Alois of Liechtenstein has been unmasked as missing Barking kebab peddler Constantidis Paranoidius.
The fugitive from justice is wanted on Isle of Dogs food poisoning charges following an outbreak of canine VD at Lambeth Palace.
Tomorrow the entire population of the tiny but immensely corrupt principality of Liechtenstein goes to the polls about booting him out.
As Absolute Sovereign of the piss-pot realm 'Alois' enjoys enduring serf-like adulation while at the same time taking advantage of despotic privileges such as zero personal tax and shadowy banking arrangements.
"He's not a bloody Prince, he's a very dodgy kebab chef with halitosis," the ex-Mrs Paranoidius commented as news of the identity deception spread.
"WTF is his face doing on Liechtenstein car bumper stickers saying 'For God, Prince and Fatherland' ?"