Washington, DC -- In an effort to reduce the US trade imbalance with China President Bush has authorised the sale of opium to China. The introduction of opium to the Chinese people is expected to provide the Chinese with a consumer item they must buy from the USA.
The US administration came to realise the potential for opium sales when economists commented that the US was ‘addicted' to the cheap consumer electronics produced in China.
Parallels have been drawn to the previous opium trade between Great Britain and China culminating in the Opium Wars and China's defeat. China marks this embarrassing period on the 7th of September each year as National Humiliation Day.
"There currently exists no product which the Chinese must purchase from the USA. Opium will fill this gap," remarked Brendan Jones, spokesman to the Secretary of Trade. Jones continued, "Opium was selected from a large list of potential products because the US would control a monopoly on its sale plus it is highly addictive. A government monopoly selling an addictive product is guaranteed to be highly profitable."
The deal is expected to be announced in conjunction with a new development package for war-torn Afghanistan. The Afghani minister for Agriculture, Azeri Heetal, is expected to announce latter today a new contract with the US government for crop production of the poppy flower.
The plan, tentatively titled Operation Enduring Dependency, would involve the US Military providing reconstruction support to Afghan poppy farmers in an effort to increase poppy production to pre-Taliban years. The poppies would be sold at centralised depots for world prices. This would ensure that the farmers would have no incentive to sell the poppies to drug smugglers transporting opium to the West. The US Military would then organise transport of opium to the Chinese mainland. Initially the opium would be dropped from airplanes and distributed for free. Once dependency has developed the air drops would stop and US agents would infiltrate the mainland to establish distribution systems. In addition to the benefits to the balance of payments deficit the wide-spread adoption of opium would cripple Chinese workers, substantially reducing their competitive advantage, and allowing US industry to compete on world markets.
Operation Enduring Dependency is expected to receive support from both political parties, ensuring its quick implementation.
Left-wing groups praised the initiative as a step forward on drug liberalisation while right-wing groups commended the administration for getting tough with Communist China.
Experts from London are scheduled to arrive Monday morning to provide instruction on successfully colonising Asia, a region commonly perceived as more difficult to subdue than Africa or Latin America.