Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Aliens, snail

Saturday, 23 June 2012

image for Giant alien snails land on Earth
All hail our new alien overlords.

In what may be the most extraordinary news ever, aliens have landed on Earth. Science fiction writers have long wondered what aliens might look like, from little green men to large grey men, but it turns out that the first aliens to contact humanity are actually giant snails.

A committee of the snails landed in China yesterday in an enormous lettuce spaceship. There they began talks with President Hu. As part of the welcoming ceremony, Mr Hu was made to wear a giant shell on his back and crawl around in a pool of slime. No doubt Barack Obama will relish receiving the same treatment when he meets the aliens himself next week.

British Prime Minister David Cameron has also requested a meeting with the aliens, but has yet to receive a reply.

The snails have promised not to destroy humanity, but they are holding talks with world leaders to see if there is any useful knowledge which can be exchanged. It is reported that they might be particular interested in learning about reality television and potentially buying some TV show ideas. On their own planet, television mostly consists of horror films about salt.

However, there was concern that some people could ruin the plans for peaceful cooperation. A group of French chefs were arrested outside the palace near Beijing where the snails are staying. The group were carrying a large cauldron and 200 litres of garlic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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