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Thursday, 7 June 2012

image for Leprechauns' gas fracking blamed for Irish quake
Head of gas exploration has denied they caused the 6 inch tsunami

Co Mayo, Eire - Irish Seismological Survey sources said today they've received reports blaming the Wee People's fracking activities for yesterday's 4-magnitude rattler.

The tremor struck some 23km south-south-east off the Corrib Gas Field operated by the Leprechaun Oil & Gas hydrocarbons giant [sic].

The company operates a number of wells off the West Irish coast after moving into the lucrative gas exploration market following a collapse in gold prices.

Its patented mining procedures include extracting deep sea gas by pumping 'suitable' fracturing liquids at pressure into well bores which then displace trapped gases 'like methane'.

The techniques were first tested on bloated cows which were treated with pressurised bog water to artificially expel dangerous build-ups of gastrointestinal stuff that inhibited optimum milking. [WTF? - 'Ed']

This morning a company spokesman denied the Achill Island quake was their fault despite a six inch tsunami being felt half a mile away at Mulranny.

Aftershocks around magnitude 0.5 were still rattling much of the Mayo coast today amid frantic attempts to evacuate the peninsula.

Expect more tremors to come as seas turn rough and the full effect of Monday's eclipsed fool moon become apparent.

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