Written by Duff
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Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for Twitter In Meltdown As First Extraterresterial Opens Account
An artist's impression of Garok, the first Alien on Twitter

We all know about Twitter and its popularity in celeb circles; attracting as it does accounts by A-Listers as diverse as Britney Spears and the Dalai Lama. But now in what's believed to be first for the micro blogging site, Garok, an extraterrestrial from the star system Beta Signi, has opened and account.

The alien has been wowing his 23 million followers (believed to be the fastest growing account ever) with a stream of tweets since yesterday evening in his native Glark.

NASA is feeding all of these into a super-computer and it's hoped that the first will be decoded by tomorrow. The micro-blogging space entity's first tweet actually reads:

"Tygfrds32£$ I Rdeokluhbv TTttffrds ~~KILL ALL EARTHLINGS!~~ juytopmiii mou."

These complex messages Garok is sending, represented here by standard characters for the purposes of this article, don't really exist in a form simple ordinary folk like us can understand. Tweets manifest themselves in the mind of an Emperor Penguin called Billy, who then makes patterns in the snow which boffins then decipher to ultimately translate Garok's musings.

Prof. Barney Lingholm told The New Yorker, "As soon as the first tweet was picked up by our monitoring station we knew we were onto something. Excitement is at fever pitch here and we just can't wait to see what Garok has to tell us."

Pop-eyed astronomer, Sir Patrick Moore, told The Sun, "Who is Garok and what is he saying in Glark? Well we just don't know quite frankly, but I for one am excited. It's what I've been waiting for all my life. Now listen to this," enthused the moon-mapping mega-brain, before going on to play an abridged version of Holst's Planets Suite on his trusty Xylophone.

Hight Priest of Twitter, Stephen Fry, has welcomed Garok to Twitter by tweeting the following message. "Oh deep joy Garok, welcome to Twitter m'new chum. Hope to get to know you well."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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