London, England-- "Picture yourself on a boat in a river..." sang Queen Elizabeth II to herself as she sailed down the Thames. The queen was in a jolly mood as the bright June sun burned in the clear London skies. Her Royal Highness was as high as a kite as she smoked dozens of bong hits to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee.
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds..." sang the queen as she became more and more stoned on marijuana. The elderly monarch then reached into her little handbag for some spare diamonds. She tossed handfuls of the gems at the crowd that lined the banks of the Thames.
"Diamonds are forever, they are all I need to please me...!" sang the queen as she did more bong hits. She grabbed some more diamonds from her purse and tossed them into the Thames for good luck. The queen was extremely stoned by now. Her bright blue eyes turned bright red from all the weed. Her boat ride was ending but she didn't seem to care.
"Diamonds are a girl's best friend...!" sang the happy monarch as she stepped out of her boat onto the pier. She was too stoned to walk by herself, so a few servants helped her to stand up.
"Shine on you crazy diamond!" shouted the queen as she took her last bong hit. The queen then sped away in her limousine to Buckingham Palace. She had a few diamonds left in her purse and threw them out the car window just for laughs.
"God that was a fun boat ride, I have to get out of the palace more often!" said the queen to herself.