Reports of mass global suicides have been reaching Spoof HQ, but not because there are rumours going round that our beloved Cockney Clive has retired, no! The suicidal ones are Facebook users who were cut off from their lifelines.
Unable to tell the world about their daily, very important doings they became depressed and many dead bodies are being found at the bottom of cliffs clinging on to their laptops and I phones; horrific!
Also, many very depressed, cut-off Facebook users are calling The Samaritans and begging them for help and here are some of the reasons why they are so desperately suicidal:
They couldn't tell the world that they just walked the dog!
They couldn't tell the world that their dinners were ready and getting cold!
They couldn't tell the world they have just been to the bog and forgot to take their I phones with them! (Now that is really shocking!)
They couldn't tell the world that their children have wet themselves because mum and dad were too busy on Facebook.
It was impossible to post family photos of Grandad, Grandma, and the Grandchildren, etc! (Enough to drive anybody to suicide that one!)
The most serious complaint was that many young student Facebookers couldn't post their photos of the party the night before where they all got totally pissed and couldn't even remember looking like that; absolutely suicidal!